Free voicemail greetings

Hello thank you for calling disturbing the peace to help expedite your call please listen carefully to the following options. If you're calling to solicit a double tape. Press one if you're calling regarding a job press two. If you're calling to borrow money. Press three if you're calling to find the nearest weak spot in your area. Press four if you're out of alcohol on Sunday press five. If you need a home for the evening. Press six if you woke up with a hang over and up here every balls on your fore head press seven. You just press seven. You've been victimized to introduce to-all(?) crime cruelty(?) bag and we suggest you probably hang up the phone eds-up(?) anyway got you hung out with last night and Friday destroy all photos before they appear on the Internet. Thank you for calling. Good luck. Goodbye.