Free voicemail greetings

Hello welcome to the mental health Hotline. If you are obsessive(?) compulsive phone repeatedly. If you are code dependent someone-to(?) press two for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3456. If you are paranoid we know what you are what you want stay on the line I will trace your call. If you're delusional press seven. Your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully this small voice will tell you which number to press if you're depressive it doesn't matter which number your personal-well-i'll(?) see you if you're just like 669696965. If you have a nervous disorder piece pages with the key until the beep after the beep please wait for the beep. If you have a short term memory loss please try your call again later and if you have low self-esteem hang up all our operators are too busy to talk to you.