Free voicemail greetings
Mental Health Hotline
Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline... press 1 if you are crazy and then some... a little long but funny!
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press two for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3456. If you are paranoid we know what you are what you want stay on the line I will trace your call. If you're delusional press seven. Your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully the small voice will tell you which number to press if you're a depressive it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer you. If you're just like 669696969. If you have a nervous disorder please page us with the hash key until the beep after the beep please wait for the beep. If you have a short term memory loss please try your call again later and if you have low self-esteem hang up all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Dialog
150 comments
funny
A classic :-) http://www.ahajokes.com/p016.html
hilarilous
this is great
Classic!
I LOVE IT!
huahaha.. SO freakin funny. :D
Funny but too long
theres a number and extension you can call to hear the same thing, but i dont remember it
BEST ONE in my opinion that is.
I have a friend who is a social worker, I think I will attach this one to here number
that one was great
great but too long
thats great! a little long though
i love it halarilous
awesome, simply awesome
I love it!!!! LOL LOL
yeah its wayy to fuckin long
It's long but it is funny XD
crazy funny.lol
o.m.g. this is soooo funny. wow
this is awesome!
this is awesome!
This is very funny and long. However, I think that I might try it. Because it is so long, people who annoy you will probably get annoyed by it and hang up. Hopefully, anyway.
too damn perfect!!! 6969696969696969696
What a riot!!! Excellent!!!
Great but very long for a greating.
This is a classic!
This is a duplicate of id 2172
my brother put this one as mine i lol every time
I love it...he sounds so serious....ROFLMBO!
exxxxelent
i love this and set it ofr some one i know will love it!!! Like me
great!
Check out the messages from jonprivate
this is fucking awesome,
omg....this is freaking hilarious...
AWESOME!!!! AWESOME!! 5 STARS!!
lmfao.
What if I fall under all catagories? God, I love it.
lol This isn't a good one for people who annoy you. They will keep calling back to listen to it again. They will have their friends call you to listen to it. If THEY annoy you, their friends will probably annoy you even more. It's a great message. People will probably start calling in the middle of the night hoping you don't answer the phone so they can hear it again and again. lol I love this one!
EXCELLENT 5 STARS!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
I use this on my fathers number, and he always gets a kick out of it. He'll call and tell me to hang up so his buddies can listen, i have a bunch of saved voice mails of him and others laughing at it. Makes his day, thanks!
I use this on my fathers number, and he always gets a kick out of it. He'll call and tell me to hang up so his buddies can listen, i have a bunch of saved voice mails of him and others laughing at it. Makes his day, thanks!
Oh my word! I can't stop giggling. My therapist is almost always amused by my VM greetings, but she is really going to love this one! Thank-you so much.
STUPENDOUS, I LOVE, LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ONE
funny but long. I love it
I love this! I wish there were more like it.
i love it
this one is funny and cool thanks i needed that laugh
made my eyes water!!! lmao
Toooo Funny!!!
this is soooooooooo funny!!
I am laughing my Azz off
great, all my contacts are at least one of these...................
SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
This would be great if it didn't force someone to wait for 40 something seconds... Great to use on someone you don't really like at all. Or possibly hate...
THAT IS f**K*NG GREAT!
this is soooooooooo funnnnnnnny!!!!!!!!!
that is just priceless!
I know the perfect person for this greeting! LMAO!!!!
PERFECT!!!!! LOVE IT!
this is hilarious, love it the best
Perfect.
Exactly what I need for certain people in my life. Thank you!!
i don't get it it dum
jajajaja i think i might use this one :P
My friend is gonna love this! LMAO
ha love this one! Have it set for my best friend because she thinks it's hilarious and will call just to hear it.
Excellent! I'm setting this for everyone!
This is the best! Love love love it! A bit long but its so funny the length is not a problem. LMAO
ha hga lmao this is the best
I accidently rated it. I bought it cause I thought it was awesome. but I accidently rated it a 1 but my computer froze and I did'nt get to finish selecting the stars.
I found this to be most enjoyable, man what a riot (smile)
This is one of the best I have heard, being that I work in the mental field many days this is how you feel..lol
This is one of the best I have heard, being that I work in the mental field many days this is how you feel..lol
Great one I love it
now this shi is very funny!!
Stellar! Thanks
AND IT'S HOWZAT!
Literally had me laughing out loud! Setting it as my default.
Damn I can only have 30 sec greetings on my phone.
verry funny
lol!!
Cool!
KEWL!
Laughed so much my balls hurt!!
Laughed so much my balls hurt!!
Lmao! I fell out lol at this one. !
To long i feel sorry for the listener
Perfect!! So funny, very dry. I love it!
Funnnnny, bit a wee bit too long!
THIS IS SO FUNNY NUMBER 1 FOR PHONES
Awesome. Makes my day
I love this greeting. I do not get as many voice mails anymore from unwanted people. Woohoo.
I like it!
Love it...just awesome
I Love it and have to set it for just a few of my friends. LMAOROTF
This is good I love it my friends will get a kick out of it
woooooooooww.... funny.
This is ridiculously funny!
That's f'n hilarious!!
hahahahahahahaahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!
Luv this but don't think too many people will have the patients to listen to the whole message! Well at least if they already heard it! Anyway I absolutely think this is histerical!!!
I love this. I have soooo many contacts l am going to use this on.
Lmao....if someone holds on, they deserve it
This is wayyyyyyy to funny I luv it
Mohamed majeed
Pretty cool
Love it. I know a few of my family members who could have this tone assigned to them
This is not me or wait is it??
Too funny..I love it..LOL
you know mental health professionals listen to this and laugh.
Omg great
Ok. Why in the world would the numbers to press for dyslexic be '696969'? Makes no sense. In the REAL version of this its for nymphos. Dyslexia means you dear sdrawkcab, read backwards for the slow people out there. Did the person who recorded this really not know what dyslexia is? Or are they so embarrassed by sexual things that they cant say nympho? Massive fail.
Dubstuff are u for real? 69 69 69 Is hilarious for dyslexia. No one is uptight here but u. A dyslexic would have a hard time distinguishing between a 6 and a 9. Umm, duh.
Dubstuff, Dyslexia isn't reading things backwards, it's having a hard time distinguishing the difference between numbers and letters that look alike. like 6's and 9's, or q's and p's, or d's and b's. Yes it occasionally makes them read things backwards but it usually just scrambles the letters.
who cares?
Love it. So funny.
Love it
I fell out of my chair laughing, roflol
Great i enjoyed listening to the recording and im going to download it so my friends can get a free laugh from me.
Good.Job in that greetings ok
" Top Greeting That best! "
" This Greeting is great! Thanks! Good Job "
Mental health hot line
Mental health hotline to work now
I love it & it throws ALL OF MY CALLER'S FOR A LOOP! THEY THINK THEY HAVE A WRONG # OR THAT MY # HAS BEEN CHANGED! I CAN SEE ALL OF MY "HANG UP CALLER'S" & I CALL THEM BACK, WELL, NOT EVERYONE LOL LOL BUT, THIS IS SUCH A REALLY FUNNY ONE! I HAVE A LOT OF FUN USING THIS OUTGOING MESSAGE! IT'S AWESOME! :)
Looks like a lot of nutters actually listened to this and applied it to their phones. What a bunch of losers
Lmao the beast one
Wow..this has been around since the dark ages. They can't come up with anything new and more funny? Sad
@Irishvixen, and @upstander, come on! This is a classic! One of my all time favourites! And if you don't like it, fine - everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But instead of putting more negativity into the world, perhaps your time would be better spent writing reviews on things you actually DO enjoy. The world is bad enough as it is. Why add to the disparity with unnecessary and unhelpful reviews like yours. Everyone has the right to their opinion. That does not mean, however, that one should always choose to voice it. Ask yourself this next time you feel like writing a bad review , "Is this helpful?" If your comment or review serves no purpose other than to express how much you hated it, or how 'dumb' people are for liking it, then I would recommend that you save the 4-5 minutes it would have taken you to share your unhelpful thoughts, and do, or see, or listen to something you actually DO like. Wouldn't it be nice to not see hatred and negativity everywhere we looked? Make the world a better place, a kinder place, one post at a time.
That's a good one! Nothing wrong with a little crazy
Too long for Verizon. After the greeting it just disconnects. Adds insult to injury.
Ha ha ha! Great!
Really hilarious but insane. Lol weak
Pressing one repeatedly....still
Lol this is great sending to my daughter cause this is her sense of HUMER
To Irishvixen, concerning being around since the dark ages posted in April 2016. I have been around since the dark ages, I am 71 years old and have never heard this before today. I love it. 26May2018
I had a police officer ask me did I know my phone number was going to a mental health center. I forgot I had this for my answering machine. LOL, she told me to call my service provider and try to get this fixed.
I used this for my psych. She LOVES it!!!!
I absol6iI absolutely love it!
https://mixlr.com/itsmecheech
Nice
Absolutely hysterical! love this one.
Any sexy daddies plz serious only 7153301294
Any sexy daddies plz serious only 7153301294
Nice one
I like this one
Does this go to everyone or just the spam callers?