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Mental Health Hotline

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline... press 1 if you are crazy and then some... a little long but funny!
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Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press two for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3456. If you are paranoid we know what you are what you want stay on the line I will trace your call. If you're delusional press seven. Your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully the small voice will tell you which number to press if you're a depressive it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer you. If you're just like 669696969. If you have a nervous disorder please page us with the hash key until the beep after the beep please wait for the beep. If you have a short term memory loss please try your call again later and if you have low self-esteem hang up all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
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151 comments
At 8/2/07 05:07 PM, DougC said...

funny

At 8/22/07 03:08 AM, Bluewolf said...

A classic :-) http://www.ahajokes.com/p016.html

At 8/22/07 07:22 AM, Og_Baltimore said...

hilarilous

At 9/28/07 01:37 PM, badboy said...

this is great

At 10/6/07 10:01 AM, Basierre said...

Classic!

At 10/25/07 01:59 PM, KARNZUMAA said...

I LOVE IT!

At 12/9/07 08:50 PM, k4nch1 said...

huahaha.. SO freakin funny. :D

At 1/12/08 06:19 AM, thewizard said...

Funny but too long

At 1/27/08 12:59 PM, rinkus said...

theres a number and extension you can call to hear the same thing, but i dont remember it

At 2/5/08 03:55 PM, Termanader said...

BEST ONE in my opinion that is.

At 2/13/08 12:17 PM, NNNicole said...

I have a friend who is a social worker, I think I will attach this one to here number

At 4/4/08 03:22 PM, rjlutz1 said...

that one was great

At 4/5/08 12:45 PM, SoDoWarts said...

great but too long

At 4/17/08 04:13 PM, keminer said...

thats great! a little long though

At 5/5/08 01:54 PM, ahahh said...

i love it halarilous

At 6/5/08 10:28 AM, t001z said...

awesome, simply awesome

At 6/15/08 06:31 PM, Anonymous said...

I love it!!!! LOL LOL

At 6/27/08 05:07 PM, hahadummies said...

yeah its wayy to fuckin long

At 7/12/08 07:24 AM, 4everb0nd said...

It's long but it is funny XD

At 7/15/08 10:07 AM, argi27 said...

crazy funny.lol

At 10/11/08 08:21 PM, Babe said...

o.m.g. this is soooo funny. wow

At 10/30/08 12:05 PM, Mitsuman said...

this is awesome!

At 10/30/08 12:12 PM, Mitsuman said...

this is awesome!

At 11/12/08 05:51 PM, DGlamourest1 said...

This is very funny and long. However, I think that I might try it. Because it is so long, people who annoy you will probably get annoyed by it and hang up. Hopefully, anyway.

At 11/17/08 02:00 PM, ferrari1974 said...

too damn perfect!!! 6969696969696969696

At 11/20/08 10:24 PM, anonamouse said...

What a riot!!! Excellent!!!

At 12/2/08 07:53 AM, lenny said...

Great but very long for a greating.

At 12/22/08 11:13 PM, Bluewolf said...

This is a classic!

At 12/22/08 11:15 PM, Bluewolf said...

This is a duplicate of id 2172

At 1/11/09 09:25 PM, Anonymous said...

my brother put this one as mine i lol every time

At 2/25/09 11:54 AM, MommaJewlz said...

I love it...he sounds so serious....ROFLMBO!

At 3/17/09 09:02 PM, Anonymous said...

exxxxelent

At 3/24/09 02:56 PM, Crazylady said...

i love this and set it ofr some one i know will love it!!! Like me

At 3/24/09 08:21 PM, Leeston said...

great!

At 3/29/09 07:21 PM, JonPrivate said...

Check out the messages from jonprivate

At 4/23/09 08:47 PM, hosey420 said...

this is fucking awesome,

At 5/4/09 09:34 PM, MissMickey85 said...

omg....this is freaking hilarious...

At 5/12/09 02:26 PM, Anonymous said...

AWESOME!!!! AWESOME!! 5 STARS!!

At 5/24/09 11:55 AM, YourMom said...

lmfao.

At 5/28/09 12:33 PM, Maum said...

What if I fall under all catagories? God, I love it.

At 6/6/09 11:19 AM, GrannySuze said...

lol This isn't a good one for people who annoy you. They will keep calling back to listen to it again. They will have their friends call you to listen to it. If THEY annoy you, their friends will probably annoy you even more. It's a great message. People will probably start calling in the middle of the night hoping you don't answer the phone so they can hear it again and again. lol I love this one!

At 6/18/09 03:00 PM, ILANIT said...

EXCELLENT 5 STARS!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!

At 7/7/09 08:55 PM, Lionel said...

I use this on my fathers number, and he always gets a kick out of it. He'll call and tell me to hang up so his buddies can listen, i have a bunch of saved voice mails of him and others laughing at it. Makes his day, thanks!

At 7/7/09 09:04 PM, Lionel said...

I use this on my fathers number, and he always gets a kick out of it. He'll call and tell me to hang up so his buddies can listen, i have a bunch of saved voice mails of him and others laughing at it. Makes his day, thanks!

At 7/9/09 05:21 PM, niknac said...

Oh my word! I can't stop giggling. My therapist is almost always amused by my VM greetings, but she is really going to love this one! Thank-you so much.

At 7/14/09 05:22 PM, misshell said...

STUPENDOUS, I LOVE, LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ONE

At 8/4/09 07:23 PM, Neds said...

funny but long. I love it

At 8/11/09 08:18 PM, nathank said...

I love this! I wish there were more like it.

At 8/15/09 02:41 PM, osu1 said...

i love it

At 9/6/09 09:13 AM, Scorpio44 said...

this one is funny and cool thanks i needed that laugh

At 9/10/09 12:23 PM, mecca6801 said...

made my eyes water!!! lmao

At 9/16/09 10:42 PM, Dane said...

Toooo Funny!!!

At 10/21/09 07:05 PM, iphone_man said...

this is soooooooooo funny!!

At 11/4/09 05:58 PM, ipomega said...

I am laughing my Azz off

At 11/6/09 07:44 AM, Anonymous said...

great, all my contacts are at least one of these...................

At 11/28/09 05:52 PM, stephanied said...

SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

At 12/14/09 07:24 PM, Makai said...

This would be great if it didn't force someone to wait for 40 something seconds... Great to use on someone you don't really like at all. Or possibly hate...

At 1/19/10 07:26 AM, warzs1 said...

THAT IS f**K*NG GREAT!

At 1/20/10 08:23 PM, wednesday said...

this is soooooooooo funnnnnnnny!!!!!!!!!

At 2/10/10 10:21 AM, kpilk said...

that is just priceless!

At 2/21/10 12:34 PM, sslava said...

I know the perfect person for this greeting! LMAO!!!!

At 3/25/10 03:59 PM, leet13 said...

PERFECT!!!!! LOVE IT!

At 5/3/10 07:26 PM, PhotoshopUzr said...

this is hilarious, love it the best

At 5/22/10 09:13 AM, Anonymous said...

Perfect.

At 6/15/10 09:51 PM, texter05 said...

Exactly what I need for certain people in my life. Thank you!!

At 7/7/10 04:13 PM, heyyo said...

i don't get it it dum

At 8/2/10 06:54 PM, uruguayo said...

jajajaja i think i might use this one :P

At 8/19/10 02:41 PM, StillCheeky said...

My friend is gonna love this! LMAO

At 9/20/10 05:53 PM, laughloveknit said...

ha love this one! Have it set for my best friend because she thinks it's hilarious and will call just to hear it.

At 1/24/11 09:22 AM, Maire said...

Excellent! I'm setting this for everyone!

At 2/5/11 06:59 AM, Aish said...

This is the best! Love love love it! A bit long but its so funny the length is not a problem. LMAO

At 2/16/11 06:16 AM, cazualj said...

ha hga lmao this is the best

At 2/21/11 10:06 AM, GOLD said...

I accidently rated it. I bought it cause I thought it was awesome. but I accidently rated it a 1 but my computer froze and I did'nt get to finish selecting the stars.

At 3/1/11 02:21 AM, girlphil said...

I found this to be most enjoyable, man what a riot (smile)

At 3/23/11 08:39 AM, SimplyDiva said...

This is one of the best I have heard, being that I work in the mental field many days this is how you feel..lol

At 3/23/11 08:39 AM, SimplyDiva said...

This is one of the best I have heard, being that I work in the mental field many days this is how you feel..lol

At 3/23/11 08:40 AM, SimplyDiva said...

Great one I love it

At 3/25/11 01:13 PM, Anonymous said...

now this shi is very funny!!

At 6/28/11 08:12 AM, JonnyCage said...

Stellar! Thanks

At 7/3/11 06:55 PM, Mr_Howzat said...

AND IT'S HOWZAT!

At 7/4/11 05:24 PM, bravosfanatic84 said...

Literally had me laughing out loud! Setting it as my default.

At 7/7/11 12:03 PM, Ghettolectual said...

Damn I can only have 30 sec greetings on my phone.

At 7/28/11 08:23 AM, cupcake27 said...

verry funny

At 8/13/11 08:58 AM, DominicanitaNT said...

lol!!

At 8/19/11 01:29 AM, Gummy said...

Cool!

At 8/22/11 01:13 AM, DocRon said...

KEWL!

At 9/10/11 02:05 PM, BigCajun76 said...

Laughed so much my balls hurt!!

At 9/10/11 02:35 PM, BigCajun76 said...

Laughed so much my balls hurt!!

At 9/11/11 12:39 PM, Rellow85 said...

Lmao! I fell out lol at this one. !

At 9/18/11 07:12 PM, tizoc said...

To long i feel sorry for the listener

At 9/22/11 09:11 PM, Anonymous said...

Perfect!! So funny, very dry. I love it!

At 10/26/11 03:25 AM, Superteller said...

Funnnnny, bit a wee bit too long!

At 10/28/11 06:14 PM, halfnaked said...

THIS IS SO FUNNY NUMBER 1 FOR PHONES

At 11/7/11 08:29 AM, Anonymous said...

Awesome. Makes my day

At 12/18/11 03:34 AM, Xkutax said...

I love this greeting. I do not get as many voice mails anymore from unwanted people. Woohoo.

At 2/24/12 01:49 PM, youdroid said...

I like it!

At 3/18/12 04:50 AM, pureelegance said...

Love it...just awesome

At 4/1/12 01:29 AM, Reaper72 said...

I Love it and have to set it for just a few of my friends. LMAOROTF

At 4/10/12 07:27 AM, funcruz said...

This is good I love it my friends will get a kick out of it

At 4/26/12 05:47 PM, cutie123 said...

woooooooooww.... funny.

At 5/22/12 06:07 PM, Anonymous said...

This is ridiculously funny!

At 6/6/12 06:03 PM, llasdrib said...

That's f'n hilarious!!

At 10/13/12 05:33 PM, sunya said...

hahahahahahahaahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!

At 11/3/12 03:12 PM, pussycatgrl1 said...

Luv this but don't think too many people will have the patients to listen to the whole message! Well at least if they already heard it! Anyway I absolutely think this is histerical!!!

At 11/26/12 08:41 PM, Murphy said...

I love this. I have soooo many contacts l am going to use this on.

At 12/22/12 11:47 PM, Mrs_ShuttaBugg said...

Lmao....if someone holds on, they deserve it

At 1/3/13 06:20 AM, chellz said...

This is wayyyyyyy to funny I luv it

At 1/23/13 07:49 PM, Anonymous said...

Mohamed majeed

At 2/19/13 03:59 AM, ShanJ said...

Pretty cool

At 2/20/13 06:12 PM, eyesfree said...

Love it. I know a few of my family members who could have this tone assigned to them

At 4/27/13 12:09 AM, Sulli944 said...

This is not me or wait is it??

At 4/27/13 07:32 AM, Bigsexxxxie said...

Too funny..I love it..LOL

At 5/15/13 11:15 AM, Anonymous said...

you know mental health professionals listen to this and laugh.

At 6/6/13 11:20 AM, Littlered4457 said...

Omg great

At 6/23/13 05:17 AM, dubstuff said...

Ok. Why in the world would the numbers to press for dyslexic be '696969'? Makes no sense. In the REAL version of this its for nymphos. Dyslexia means you dear sdrawkcab, read backwards for the slow people out there. Did the person who recorded this really not know what dyslexia is? Or are they so embarrassed by sexual things that they cant say nympho? Massive fail.

At 7/3/13 04:52 PM, lmmd223 said...

Dubstuff are u for real? 69 69 69 Is hilarious for dyslexia. No one is uptight here but u. A dyslexic would have a hard time distinguishing between a 6 and a 9. Umm, duh.

At 8/18/13 08:03 PM, BlackCatCoven said...

Dubstuff, Dyslexia isn't reading things backwards, it's having a hard time distinguishing the difference between numbers and letters that look alike. like 6's and 9's, or q's and p's, or d's and b's. Yes it occasionally makes them read things backwards but it usually just scrambles the letters.

At 9/9/13 07:42 PM, Xoebla said...

who cares?

At 9/13/13 07:39 PM, suzieq4999033 said...

Love it. So funny.

At 9/28/13 07:21 PM, Anonymous said...

Love it

At 10/6/13 05:38 PM, Toolmaster said...

I fell out of my chair laughing, roflol

At 2/27/14 03:14 AM, Bobbylo said...

Great i enjoyed listening to the recording and im going to download it so my friends can get a free laugh from me.

At 3/3/14 05:32 PM, MRRodzilla said...

Good.Job in that greetings ok

At 3/5/14 06:12 PM, MRRodzilla said...

" Top Greeting That best! "

At 3/7/14 07:36 PM, MRRodzilla said...

" This Greeting is great! Thanks! Good Job "

At 5/13/14 09:27 AM, Deoblow said...

Mental health hot line

At 5/13/14 09:29 AM, Deoblow said...

Mental health hotline to work now

At 7/16/14 07:12 PM, RUNTHOG said...

I love it & it throws ALL OF MY CALLER'S FOR A LOOP! THEY THINK THEY HAVE A WRONG # OR THAT MY # HAS BEEN CHANGED! I CAN SEE ALL OF MY "HANG UP CALLER'S" & I CALL THEM BACK, WELL, NOT EVERYONE LOL LOL BUT, THIS IS SUCH A REALLY FUNNY ONE! I HAVE A LOT OF FUN USING THIS OUTGOING MESSAGE! IT'S AWESOME! :)

At 12/31/14 09:20 AM, upstander said...

Looks like a lot of nutters actually listened to this and applied it to their phones. What a bunch of losers

At 3/1/15 03:09 PM, dejavu66 said...

Lmao the beast one

At 4/7/16 07:08 AM, Irishvixen said...

Wow..this has been around since the dark ages. They can't come up with anything new and more funny? Sad

At 4/19/16 10:32 AM, trinity4200 said...

@Irishvixen, and @upstander, come on! This is a classic! One of my all time favourites! And if you don't like it, fine - everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But instead of putting more negativity into the world, perhaps your time would be better spent writing reviews on things you actually DO enjoy. The world is bad enough as it is. Why add to the disparity with unnecessary and unhelpful reviews like yours. Everyone has the right to their opinion. That does not mean, however, that one should always choose to voice it. Ask yourself this next time you feel like writing a bad review , "Is this helpful?" If your comment or review serves no purpose other than to express how much you hated it, or how 'dumb' people are for liking it, then I would recommend that you save the 4-5 minutes it would have taken you to share your unhelpful thoughts, and do, or see, or listen to something you actually DO like. Wouldn't it be nice to not see hatred and negativity everywhere we looked? Make the world a better place, a kinder place, one post at a time.

At 9/10/16 07:15 PM, Itsokifurnuts said...

That's a good one! Nothing wrong with a little crazy

At 11/23/16 10:47 AM, anom said...

Too long for Verizon. After the greeting it just disconnects. Adds insult to injury.

At 3/14/18 06:47 PM, WCarroll said...

Ha ha ha! Great!

At 4/10/18 01:13 AM, Cece1992 said...

Really hilarious but insane. Lol weak

At 4/15/18 11:36 AM, Larry1 said...

Pressing one repeatedly....still

At 5/6/18 05:36 PM, Anonymous said...

Lol this is great sending to my daughter cause this is her sense of HUMER

At 5/26/18 08:04 AM, vej123 said...

To Irishvixen, concerning being around since the dark ages posted in April 2016. I have been around since the dark ages, I am 71 years old and have never heard this before today. I love it. 26May2018

At 12/27/18 08:13 AM, DrinkMinister said...

I had a police officer ask me did I know my phone number was going to a mental health center. I forgot I had this for my answering machine. LOL, she told me to call my service provider and try to get this fixed.

At 9/20/19 06:31 PM, WillowyG said...

I used this for my psych. She LOVES it!!!!

At 2/23/20 05:24 AM, sto3 said...

I absol6iI absolutely love it!

At 12/11/20 05:44 AM, itsmeCheech said...

https://mixlr.com/itsmecheech

At 9/21/21 04:25 PM, Jkeyz39 said...

Nice

At 11/26/21 12:52 PM, NinoMalo said...

Absolutely hysterical! love this one.

At 12/8/21 10:12 AM, Gignacc said...

Any sexy daddies plz serious only 7153301294

At 12/8/21 10:13 AM, Gignacc said...

Any sexy daddies plz serious only 7153301294

At 7/11/22 11:25 AM, TransfersYugoslavia said...

Nice one

At 7/11/22 11:26 AM, TransfersYugoslavia said...

I like this one

At 9/27/22 01:08 PM, Ollieville said...

Does this go to everyone or just the spam callers?

At 7/20/23 02:12 AM, Anonymous said...

This is an oldie but definitely a classic. I work as a mental health professional and I have it on my cell phone. I love it. Still makes me laugh and if you are offended by it. I’ll say this.. You really need to go get a sense of humor! Life is short and nobody wants to deal with a stick in the mud who whines and complains about everything. This world has become so sensitive and it’s ridiculous! I think the majority of people feel it’s really funny and see the humor and enjoy laughing in life. So enjoy your life and be happy!

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