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Its what it is

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Okay, I knew eventually you would call me. Secretly I hope that you would because I miss you so much. But if you are hearing this message, I am unable at this point to allow you access to me. I have had to accept that what we had wasn't anything to you. I have had to accept that I was disposable and that was why I always felt uneasy about us. The herd makes me embarrassed and want to die. I hope you never have to feel the level of loneliness I have felt here. So I can't ask you to understand, but because there is no accountability. I am unable to forgive. I want to be happy desperately and in working hard every day to forget about things that have made me want to die. If I want to live, I need to protect my heart, because my heart will never comprehend or accept that everyone leaves and why that is. So I prefer to not trick myself at you are different, because you are not. I have learned to get my comfort from knowing that at least we will always be under the same moon. Sadly, that has to be enough. I will...
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