Free voicemail greetings

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press two for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3456. If you are paranoid we know what you are what you want stay on the line I will trace your call. If you're delusional press seven on your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully to the small voice will tell you which number to press if you're a depressive it doesn't matter which number you pressed no one well(?) will answer you if you're just like 669696969. If you have a nervous disorder please page us with the hash key until the beep after the beep please wait for the beep. If you have a short term memory loss please try your call again later and if you have low self-esteem hang up all our operators are too busy to talk to you.