Free voicemail greetings

Hello welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press two for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3456. If you are paranoid we know what you are what you wanna stay on the line I will trace your call. If you're delusional press seven. Your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully the small voice will tell you which number to press if you a depressive it doesn't matter which number your present(?).